Stuck in The Middle

Hi, my name's Nicole Cino and I'm a middle sized girl. A size 10, the best friend of stage and screen, and the curvy girl. Since I can remember I've been in and around this size. Not for the lack of trying to get smaller. Fad diets, exercise, you name it, I'll try it, then give up. I like chocolate and chips, sue me.

Being middle sized, medium sized whatever you want to call it comes with a lot of set backs and hurdles. Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be a performer. I wanted to sing and dance and be on the stage. Little did I know that my genetics would come in the way of that dream. My tree trunk thighs, and broad shoulders made me look like a linebacker, instead of the cute blonde haired blue eyed kid that everyone found adorable. And when I got boobs, well I went from the chubby little chipmunk cheeked kid, to the funny best friend who's there for laughs, but also has big boobs. I was either the funny girl, a man, a sex pot or not cast. This isn't a feel bad for me article, more so a why can't a normal looking person play a normal looking person? Doctors, nurses, teenagers, teachers, friends, lovers all look like me. Different versions, ethnicity's, heights, proportions. Yet for some reason we are still in this mind set that unless you are a size 2, with straight teeth and perfect smooth hair no one would want to watch you for 2 hours. Why is that? Do we honestly think that if a woman has some curves to her people are going to go back to the box office and ask for their money back? I think not. But for some reason Hollywood, the theater community and the modeling world are still stuck in this image of what a leading lady or lad is supposed to look like.

I recently auditioned for a musical in Toronto. To be 100% honest I nailed the audition, I sang my heart out and the panel truthfully loved it. But when it came time to have "that" conversation the only role that they could even fathom me playing was one of the moms. Now granted I'm 27, yes I'm not a teenager, but that doesn't mean I'm old enough to play a mom to a teenager. I mean did you watch Glee? Those 'kids' were in their 30s. I spoke up; which I've begun to do in my old age, and asked why they couldn't see me as a teenager. And she blatantly said, well you have curves. Now, don't get me wrong I get it I do have curves, but I also had curves when I was 15, and 16 and 17, they didn't just appear when I hit mom playing age. I left that audition feeling very confused about my teen hood, and my adulthood. Was I wrong to have been curvy as a teen?

My mom used to tell me all the time, you're too fat to play the skinny girl and too skinny to play the fat girl. Why is it that there's no in between? I've run away from roles like Tracy Turnblad my entire life. I can't even count the amount of times I've walked into an audition and been told I'd make a great Tracy. She's a wonderful role, but I'm not a Tracy. One of the many times I've seen Hairspray the leading lady was wearing a fat suit. I felt as an audience member, and as a curvy girl, betrayed. Why would you cast someone who isn't right for the role? What's the point of that? Was there really no girls above a size 12 that could play Tracy? That can move and dance and sing and be a role model for all the young curvy girls out there? I gave in to my fear of playing Tracy and guess what, they said I wasn't right for the part. Too fat to play the skinny girl and too skinny to play the fat girl.

I don't know how we are going to fix this problem. At the end of the day it is a representation issue. There are so many girls out there who look like me. It's a perfectly acceptable size and body type in the real world, yet put us in front of a camera or a crowd and suddenly it's taboo. I should be able to walk into an audition and be able to compete against people, not because of my waist size, but because of my abilities. I can do the same things as everyone else, except for share clothes. I understand roles that are made for a certain body type. I'm not going to be playing Regina George when she literally sings a line that says "I never weigh more than 115" but I should be able to play any other character. So let's all rise up for the curvy girl, and not just the deemed attractive bigger girl, with all the curves in the right places. But the everyday, big thighed, jiggly tummy, broad shouldered girl.